Never Too Much ‘Murica On the Fourth of July
July 3, 2017
Summer is here! The weatherman is talking about the heat index, and the Fourth of July is roaring in with full, star-spangled awesomeness. It’s the only time of the year where random explosions in the neighborhood don’t elicit a call to 9-11. This is a time to celebrate the birth of our nation. Oh sure, we could have solemn, dignified ceremonies that recognize the bravery and sacrifice of the Founding Fathers but that’s not who we are as Americans. We celebrate the ragtag band of colonists that decided to go toe-to-toe with the most powerful nation on earth in order to establish a land in which liberty would reign supreme. We don’t have time for propriety, we don’t even have time for an extra syllable because the Fourth of July is all about ‘Murica!
Have a Little Fun in the Sun
It’s all about ice-cold PBR, warm potato salad, sunburn on the roof of your mouth, I’m not eating anything that hasn’t been cooked with fire – fun! 364 days a year we tell our kids to stay away from the stove and not to play with matches. On the Fourth of July, however, we’ll hand them a 5000-degree sparkler and tell them to go and have fun. Normally, parents struggle to get the kids to bed during the summer. Not on the fourth, mom and dad get disappointed when the little ones doze off before the big show.
Red, White & Boom!
What about that big show? You gotta have fireworks. People in some parts of the country actually make special trips “across state lines” because “they have the good stuff over there”. Explosives should be left to the professionals, right? Not on the Fourth. This is the day where we get to watch grandpa in his red, white, and blue t-shirt, black socks and flip-flops tell everyone to “stand back” while he takes a cigar and lights the fuse on something that was bought somewhere on the highway from a guy in a van. ‘Murica! We all have our favorites. Some people like the big, colorful ones, some like the ones that whistle, others like the ones that crackle, and then there are the ones that you can’t really see but emit a boom that stops the heart for a second. We ooh and ahh right up until the grand finale, when they set everything off. It’s all over far too quickly and we are left with a warm, patriotic afterglow and a slight case of tinnitus. ‘Murica!
So get out there and have fun. I would say “be safe” but I know that right now there is somebody out there on a jet ski, skipping across the waves with an American flag in one hand and a roman candle in the other. Just try to get through the day with all of your fingers and both eyebrows! Happy Fourth of July, ‘Murica!!!
Red, White, Bacon and Blue Burger Recipe
- Red meat, white buns, blue cheese, and bacon, just because.
- Ground beef – enough to feed three times the number of people you are expecting cooked bacon – all of the bacon, everywhere
- Crumbled blue cheese – a little bit goes a long way
- Your favorite BBQ sauce
- Good old-fashioned hamburger buns, lightly buttered
- Salt & pepper to taste
- Start with a grill that’s been heated too high. Loosely form your beef patties and season generously with salt and pepper.
- Place the patties on the grill, drop the lid and cook for 3-4 minutes. Flip gently – do not smash the burger with the spatula. If your designated grill jockey can’t resist doing this, grab the spatula, hand them a sparkler and tell them to sit in a corner.
- Spoon on a generous amount of BBQ sauce, as much bacon as your heart can handle, and crumbled blue cheese.
- Drop the lid and cook for 3-4 more minutes.
- Pull those bad boys off the grill and cover loosely with tin foil for about 5 minutes. While the burgers are resting, toss the buttered buns on the grill and toast lightly. You can figure out the rest. Burger, bun, beer…repeat as necessary.
Rob. D | Green Oasis